Bye!

No joke I found this on my walk today:

I was really hoping it said: “I’m leafing now. See you tomorrow.”

Firemen transferable skills

Male pole dancing has been catching on lately. Great and no cost transferable skills for firemen. They have access to a pole at work, so they don’t have to put one in their house or go somewhere to take classes. They already have experience sliding down. They have the muscles and strength for climbing and swirling. They have the body people want to watch. They don’t mind being stared at and treated like beefcake because they pose for pin up calendars all the time. They can practice on their downtime at the fire station and work on routines together instead of just cooking. It’s a different way for them to “hang out” together.

Jump

The next time you are around people who are measuring a floor, jump back and forth over the measuring tape as if it were a jump rope. I did this at the gym the other day. I was up for a quick game of jump rope. And for some reason no one else wanted to join me, so I got to play longer than usual.

When to start your new workout routines

Start getting back into shape when the Olympics are on. They provide great music and people to emulate for their motivation and passion and focus. If you missed starting it then, sorry. You’ll have to wait two years to start when the next round of Olympics starts.

Runners high not gonna happen

I actually was able to start Running and not only walking on the treadmill! I used to walk so slow I could have been going backwards. Don’t hold back your applause. Ok, so it’s not so much a jog as it is an accelerated jaunt. But it counts. It’s kind of like the runners in the movie “Chariots of Fire”. You try it. Play that song really loud and run in slow motion the next time you are on the treadmill. Make sure to look really serious. It works better if you can convince the people on the treadmills in front of you and beside you to all do it too. Much more like the scene from the movie on the beach that way.

Heavy equipment. Caution ahead!

So I know at gyms people have to be careful not to hurt themselves by pushing to hard too fast. Then they get all sore, they get crabby from the pain for days, have to go to physio or for massage. Then they don’t want to go back to the gym because they associate it with pain instead of muscle gain or weight loss or goal achievement. So I take it easy and am careful and am building up the habit of going to this new place. But I took a survey, so it’s not just me. They have way too many metal machines really close together. And so the only time I hurt myself is when I am walking through the aisles between machines and walk into and bang my hip or shoulders! Now I’m bruised and hurting. Haven’t read any exercise training manuals on avoiding that yet, so this might actually be a first warning for all you exercise novices. There should be signs “Warning! Walking hazard for the uncoordinated. User discretion is advised”.

Gym Basics

Take up most of the 60 seconds from the circuit training time to figure out how to get your running shoes to fit in the saddle like gear on the bicycle peddle of the stationary bike. Then put on really loud so everyone can hear the Pink song “raise your glass.” Get off all the equipment and rock out, making everyone around you raise their water bottle in unison to the song.

Lighten every piece of equipment to min 12 lbs. We don’t want to look like The Hulk. Take a long time between each stop on the circuit to drink your water from the most expensive water bottle you can find, and pat dry your forehead pretending you have been sweating from the work out. Stop and say hi for minimum 10 minutes to everyone you recognize at the gym. And some that you don’t. We must always be friendly. That should bring you to about 45 min and your done! Put on the proud smile to yourself for having come to the gym yet again.

Circuit Training in Winter

Walk up the two flights of stairs to the gym. Take off your boots and winter jacket. Use the washroom and fill up water bottle. Look around and feel proud you made it this far. Put back your coat and boots. Walk back down two flights of stairs. Walk around your van with snowbrush. Take snow off windows. Walk around again taking off the ice from the windows. Get in van and take some water. Turn up the defrost. Find a good song on the radio. Take more water. Notice the snow that had built up on widows while you were rockin out. Go outside and repeat snow brush exercise.

Repeat tomorrow and the next day. Keep doing this until winter is over. When spring comes, you can walk around the block instead of the van.