Don’t Judge Me

Imagine this:

You come home and these 2 guys are there sarcastically judging the day you’ve had.

Juggling day

Have you ever had one of those days where you seem to drop everything? Mine started with hitting the snooze button so hard, the radio flew off the nightstand and broke. It actually went downhill (pun intended) from there. So I say, turn things around and declare it juggling day. When people are startled by what you are dropping, just say you have been working on perfecting your act!

Gain weight for a role. Silly self help

Actors gain and lose weight for roles all the time. Bradley Cooper just said on Ellen that he made it up when being interviewed once that he gained weight for the role when really he was just a mess at the time of filming. We should be able to use that excuse too. So if you bump into someone you haven’t seen in a while, say “oh, you may have noticed I put on a little weight. I started a new job and had to bulk up for it. Makes me seem more authentic and professional how seriously I am taking on this new role in my career”. Hope it works for you too! Thanks Bradley for the advice.

How often do you call yourself?

How often do you call yourself from a land-line to help you find your cell phone? When you do, do you hang up on yourself once you find the phone? That’s just rude. Do you leave yourself a message? If you do, be sure to say I love you in it. And when there is a sound delay, be sure to have that meaningful conversation with yourself that you have been putting off.

Chair choice speaks volumes

We know from research that the kind of chair a person chooses to sit on when given the choice can be very telling about their personality. Do they choose the straight back, wing back, lounge chair, soft couch? While walking by a psychiatrist’s office on my way to the medical clinic, I noticed that this time he had a few chairs across from his desk for patients. I know from his bio at the clinic he only does individual counselling. Which means this time he must have seen a patient with multiple personality disorder.

Commitment Issues

I’m really wondering now. Which one has the commitment issues? Mickey Mouse or Minnie? They still have separate residences. Secretly I’ve always thought maybe Minnie had something going on with Goofy on the side. After all, his voice is a lot more masculine. And he’s taller than her. She may be a little embarrassed by him because he’s clumsy and a bit of a goof. But at least he’s not such a redneck. He is fully clothed, whereas Mickey goes shirtless. I guess it’s one of those on going “wait and see” kind of relationships. Good on the mice for not giving into the conventional relationship framework. Maybe we all need our space to make it work.

Enjoy The Ride

Make life fun. The next time you get on an escalator going down, say “weeeeee” all the way to the bottom. This works best if you are wearing your most professional clothing. You can start small and just say “we…” And make up a sentence. Like “weeee are taking the escalator now”. Then go back upstairs, and when you feel less self conscious, just say in a high pitch voice “weeeeeeeee” takin the escalator down again. At the bottom, feel free to finish your sentence “weeeeee rode the escalator”. Now actually do it sometime this week. You won’t be able to stay in a bad mood if you do. Guaranteed!

Transferable Skills

Statistically people change careers 4-5 times in their lifetime. The key to not having to start your education and experience all over again when you change careers is to look at what you already know and try to use that a bit in your new career.

I used to be a career counselling. The instinct to look for people’s transferable skills is strong, like a habit. When I went to buy a mattress from the least helpful and knowledgeable saleswoman, I couldn’t help but think “You know who would be great at this profession? A prostitute.” Who else would have such varied experience and knowledge of mattresses.

Days Like These

“If the droids from Star Wars weren’t so moody I’d say it would be good to be a robot.”

-Charlie

Divorce Code

A lawyer friend of mine said the wife during mediation had said numerous times what the couples marriage date was. The husband asked the lawyer “Is that what is says on the marriage certificate?”

She said, “Seriously? After all these years you are not only questioning me but forgetting our anniversary date?” The husband said “No, I was just double checking”. She said “Well, at least from now on you won’t get in trouble for forgetting it!” He said “Oh yes I will! It’s the security code to get into the house!”