Start a Secrets Society

I went to my naturopath’s office for an appointment. The whole place is set up to foster relaxation. Classical music. Mood lighting. The Receptionist in training was whispering with her trainer. No one else was in the waiting area but me. No classes were being held. The offices are soundproof. I am not sure why they were whispering. Their whole exchange sounded mysterious and secretive. Like they were working under cover. They whispered “Save the document here. Put the person on hold for at least 2 minutes so they can enjoy the elevator music and chill out. Should I go check the mail” I wanted to join in and whisper back “No, they may see you. Crawl on all fours. Don’t make a sound.” It started to feel like a conspiracy was being hatched and I was privy to it. What would happen when I got called into my appointment? Would I miss the filing system? Is it alphanumeric or colour coded? Did she find her pencil that rolled under the desk? Now I’ll never know. Now I’m all stressed again.

Be a Race Horse

My brother said:

“Just focus on running your own race and ignore the other runners.”

It’s smart advice.
On your mark, get set, go! False start silly. Next time wait for the gun shot.

Signs

If you are always the last one to leave the office, it’s a bad sign that you may be a workaholic . It is, however, a pretty good sign that you don’t have abandonment issues. Now leave work. Off you go.

Push it real good!

Overheard in day surgery by orderly wheeling patient into surgery room on gurney

“Best part of my job, I get to push people around all day”.

Where Babies Come From

Feel free to use any of this not very direct conversation for the “where babies come from” with your little ones.

Was having a really uncomfortable conversation about where babies come from with Hailey. She is grossed out just by adults kissing, so I kept it so technical she had no idea what I was talking about. I learnt too much when I was three with pictures of people from the 70’s. It almost scarred me for life. Too much hair and I am not talking about the women. Worked as great birth control my whole adolescence though.

Hailey said she just wants dogs and bunnies. Wanted to know when the idea of kissing those that are not family becomes not gross. I said we would talk again when she was 21. She wanted to know if you need a boy to have babies. Or if u even needed to have babies. I said it’s a choice whether to have babies, and said there are ways of preventing it. I said with new technology, you need boys but the science community made refrigerators for some of the special needed material, so you don’t need the boy around, but still need a boy’s help. And I thought the natural discussion about sex was awkward. The technology one is not any easier to have. Makes less sense.

In a Book

Saw Ben today. He’s such a cartoon. He’s feeling down but keeps quoting Corinthian quotes and verses and pages from the Bible to encourage himself. I thought to myself, there are some books that have that effect one me. I quoted Dr. Seuss to myself. Green eggs and ham. Page 12. It brought me comfort. The way the cat can finally get over his fear and just try the green eggs and ham. It’s like that famous motivational book: “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyways” Susan Jeffers — Great book. Words to live by. Unless you feel like skydiving. In that case, feel the fear, change your mind, and go get some chocolate.

Who Needs the Gym!?

Who needs the gym. I get my strength training done by pushing back my washing machine that keeps moving. I know they’ve said you can use food cans. But this is a whole new level of muscle building. If u don’t have this advantage, just go move your furniture for no reason. The added benefits of watching your family fall from the habit of sitting on the couch that is no longer where they remember will exercise your stomach muscles from laughing. Keep it moving people!

Complacent Pain

I think I have become too complacent to the various reasons for my back pain. The other day I had a stabbing pain on the right side of my back for over half an hour. I mentioned it to my daughter in passing. She thought nothing of it either. The show we were watching finally ended and we were searching high and low for the remote. After 10 minutes, I pulled it from under my back. Pain instantly went away! I never even bothered to rub my back or get pain meds before I found the remote sticking into my back. I am way to complacent and accepting of pain.

Lesson: Time to see my chiropractor again. When you are too used to suffering, congratulate yourself for your self control, but then do something about it.

Focus Your Senses

Do you ever enjoy eating something so much that you find yourself closing your eyes so your other senses can focus better? If not, I highly recommend it. It heightens your experience. I thought the same would hold true for walking on the treadmill. I know what you are thinking. The same thing everyone thought when I told them what I did. But hear me out a second. I was enjoying a leisurely walk on the treadmill, not a fast pace jaunt or jog. I did neglect to wear the safety clip. But I always wanted to feel what it was like to walk to music, lost in my own world, not worrying about walking into something. And I was right. It felt liberating! Until my back hit the wall behind me and I fell halfway off. Just my hands staying on the belt, that kept looping because… You are right again! Without the safety clip, when you start to fall off, the key is suppose to come out and stop the treadmill. Well I wasn’t wearing it and it didn’t stop. All you heard was something similar to running shoes in a clothes dryer. Thu-thump Thu-thump. My hand kept landing on the tread as it moved towards the wall. As I tried to lean on it to stand up, my hands would just get moved to the wall again. Nothing relaxing and liberating about this experience. And my family took their sweet time to search out where the noise was coming from, They fell on the floor when they found me. From laughter.

Lesson: walk with your eyes closed whenever you want. Just use the safety clip.

Intimidation and Fear Leads to a Classic Case of “Group Think”

You know what’s misleading? Redheads have orange hair, not red, but people are so afraid of their temper, nobody corrects the colour misnomer they are perpetuating for centuries.

Some people try to speak out against the clear mistaken identity.

The brave ones say “that is soooo wrong”. Like the dude we saw with bleached long blonde surfer hair that stuck out like a pixie on both sides. In Walmart in the dead of winter. Catherine and I felt it was just sooo wrong.  Completely out of place and context (and decade).

I’ll have to check the colour wheel and its thoughts on redheads versus just saying people with orange hair. We never say “she was a blonde head”.

 

 

 

 

Or, we should convert our descriptions of hair to match the numbers already given to colours in the paint by number sets. Then we would all agree that those with somewhat of a temper (you know who I mean) are number 5’s of this world. Whole countries could probably get away with just 2 numbers.

 

 

Fake hair colour could be called nil. And those without hair could be referred to as nul and void. Better than saying bald I think.